please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
