Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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