I'm lost and stupid without you.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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