So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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