So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
