That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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