Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
