we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
