dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They took my balls.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
