i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
