he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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