he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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