I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
