??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
