Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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