booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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