I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
