FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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