Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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