I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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