There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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