He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
