It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
