Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
