If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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