the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
