Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
