: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
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The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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