So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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