I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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