haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
