You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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