two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
