and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
