i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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