so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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