if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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