Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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