oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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