Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
