She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
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Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.