Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
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is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
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I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news