If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.