Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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