thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today