Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?