..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.