There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
