ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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