My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
