I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
