..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You need Xanax blowdarts
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
