Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
