In the future we'll all be gay
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
