She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
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I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
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How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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