Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
