Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
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He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
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You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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