I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
