You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
