wanna go halves on a baby?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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