I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
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i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
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When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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