I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
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Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool