Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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