Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
two words...techno handjob
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
