There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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