He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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