Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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