some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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