I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
