this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
