Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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