I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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