Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
