sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize