overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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