I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you win again, gameday.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize