I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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